A Minecraft Movie Review: A Blocky Bore
The core objective of the Minecraft game lies in its sandbox approach that allows you as a player to explore, mine and craft freely. In other words, the sky’s the limit since it involves your stretch of creativity and imagination. This means the success of the big screen adaptation will heavily depends on how the filmmaker manages to bring this into a vibrant, colourful life. Well, it’s colourful, alright, as the reported US$150 budget competently meshes live-action and CGI animation hybrid. The distinct visuals of the bizarre, blocky universe of Overworld capture the look and feel of the popular video game.
The rest? Well, here is where A Minecraft Movie makes me questioned my sanity after sitting through this excruciating 100-minute cube-shaped turd fest. I get that the movie aims squarely at kids and tweens, and one shouldn’t expect this to be an “Oscar-worthy material”. So, the least thing A Minecraft Movie can do is provide a sense of exuberant fun and some visually imaginative set pieces to enliven the whole thing. How I wish this would be the case here.
Before I go any further, here’s what the movie is all about: It begins with a prologue as Jack Black narrates about his character Steve, who has always dreamed of becoming a miner ever since childhood. But his stern miner-dad doesn’t allow him to enter the mine whatsoever, leading him to a mundane adult life working a dead-end job. But he refuses to give up his lifelong dream, and one day, he decides to journey into the mine with a shovel. From there, he discovers not one but two objects, which he describes as a thingy. The thingy in question is a glowing blue, cube-shaped orb and a crystal.
When both of them are combined, they unlock a portal leading to another dimension called the Overworld. It’s a magical place where everything is possible, meaning Steve has the power to craft anything. The Overworld has since become a paradise for him to the point that he decides to build a house. No, a few of them. What a carefree life for Steve until a certain accident triggers another portal. Not the sunshine and rainbows kind, but more of a dark and gloomy hell called Nether, ruled by the tyrannical Malgosha (voiced by Rachel House).
Back in the real world, the story also introduces four characters, beginning with Garrett “The Garbage Man” Garrison (Jason Momoa), once a famous video game champ, but that was a long time ago. Today, he’s nothing but a shell of his former self, struggling to keep his store business afloat and even receives an eviction letter.
Then, there are siblings — older sister Natalie (Emma Myers) and her younger brother, Henry (Sebastian Hansen) — arriving in Idaho, the same town where Garrison happens to operate his store. The two are looking to start afresh, where Natalie has a job at a potato chips factory while Henry is adjusting to his new school surroundings. Finally, there’s Dawn (Danielle Brooks), the realtor who deals with the siblings’ residence and also works as a mobile zoologist.
Okay, long story short, an incident happens where the cube and the crystal combine, ends up with these four characters trapped in the Overworld. It took a whopping five screenwriters — Chris Bowman, Hubbel Palmer, Neil Widener, Gavin James and Chris Galletta — to come up with a screenplay that tries to be poignant and zany. The attempted poignant part can be seen earlier in the movie, particularly the subplots revolving around Garrett “The Garbage Man” Garrison, along with Natalie and Henry.
Director Jared Hess, best known for his works in Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre, takes his time to establish his characters before they get stuck in a different dimension, which is meant for us to root for their respective arcs. And yet, the so-called character developments are executed rather perfunctorily, while the overall acting ranges from mediocre to plain annoying. Jack Black spends most of the time shouting his lines and acting all neurotic, while Jason Momoa, shedding his tough-guy persona in favour of a softer side and even shows up in a bright, pink jacket, manages to pull off some of his comedic chops, even though he tends to overact.
Rachel House, in the meantime, has a field day voicing the antagonist Malgosha while Sebastian Hansen delivers decent support as Henry, who is also a tech genius. The comedy mostly misses the mark, and frankly, I have a tough time trying to laugh at most of the attempted humour and slapstick gags. Not even a potentially quirky moment where Jennifer Coolidge’s supporting turn as a horny and divorced principal finds herself unexpectedly dating an unusual-looking, non-speaking villager from Overworld can delivers the necessary laugh. The only time worthy of a few chuckles takes place during the third act, revolving around the close-up interaction between Steve and Malgosha.
Despite being given a huge budget at Hess’ disposal, A Minecraft Movie is surprisingly devoid of a sense of peril, even with the climactic third-act battle is reduced to all visual noises minus the excitement. Given the video-game movie revival these days, A Minecraft Movie makes me feel like it’s a nightmare from the past where such a genre used to be a laughing stock.
