Coyotes Review: There Aren’t Enough Bites in Colin Minihan’s Tedious Horror Comedy

Coyotes joins the long list of animal-goes-amok horror subgenre, but with an added campy humour featuring real-life couple Justin Long and Kate Bosworth. The result? It’s all bark but severely lacking the bite desperately needed to make this work. The writing’s on the wall right from the onset, with the lacklustre opening scene where a pink-dressed influencer with her little dog ends up dead following her night stroll along the suburban neighbourhood. Here is where Colin Minihan, marking his return to directing his first feature film in seven years since What Keeps You Alive, tries to blend a mix of suspense, horror and comedy all rolled into one.

Too bad from the moment the CGI coyote shows up, not only are its inferior special effects breaking my immersion, but the supposedly feral canine looks neither scary nor intimidating. But who knows, maybe the movie might improve as the story progresses. And so, I hope, only to be continuously disappointed by the movie’s awfully tedious stretch for the rest of its runtime. It may have clocked in at a modest 92 minutes, and yet, it sure feels like a chore to sit through. The biggest gripe here is the tone-deaf storytelling that tries to mesh horror with comedy in Coyotes, but what I have here is more misses than hits.

Frankly, I like the idea, despite not being anything new, about a rich couple — comic book artist Scott (Justin Long) and his beautiful wife, Liv (Kate Bosworth) — and their daughter Chloe (Mila Harris), who live in the comfort of a luxurious home in the Hollywood Hills, find themselves stranded due to the windstorm. It damages the power lines and knocks over trees, one of which crushes right on top of Scott’s only car. Being stuck at home with no communication and transport is the least of their problem since they have to deal with a bigger issue. And that is, a pack of hungry coyotes is seen roaming around the Hollywood Hills hunting for prey.

Now, if only the execution is as intriguing as the premise is, Coyotes would have been a grisly, fun horror movie. Casting Long is a good idea for this type of horror comedy, but even his typically neurotic acting style can only do so much, especially when the story limps around with the laughs mostly feeling forced and the horror, well, devoid of the much-needed visceral thrills. The movie throws in a few colourful characters in an attempt to spice up the story, namely the introductions of the sleazy neighbour Trip (Norbert Leo Butz) and a call girl Julie (Brittany Allen).

But the inconsistent pace drags every now and then, even though we still get a few coyote attacks, but nothing significantly memorable here. The violence and gory details are adequate with a few body counts, but they still aren’t enough to offset most of the movie’s shortcomings. Minihan keeps trying to jazz up his movie with more pizzazz, like incorporating several split-screen moments and introducing each character in a comic book style.

Too bad I still can’t help seeing Coyotes as a missed opportunity. A big one, to be precise. There’s no biting social commentary of any kind since Minihan, who directed Tad Daggerhart and Nick Simon’s screenplay, prefers to keep it straightforward. Even so, the thrills and the underlying story of survival are constantly diluted with not enough stakes, making me wonder if Coyotes is better off positioned as a short film rather than a feature-length movie. The padded-out narrative is obvious, particularly the sluggish midsection. And by the time the third act finally arrives, it lands with a thud.